HAPPY OBESE DAY

Hello nerds,

Today is the great feast.  Now I don’t know the name of the holiday.  I think it's pig out day...or something.

Basically we eat turkey and pies and side dishes. Then after a while we complain about how long it will take to lose this weight, but we will just take that antacid for dessert.

Oh and don’t forget the thankful awkward moments at the dinner table where the guy that you haven't seen for eight months starts yappin to you about his unemployment running out. And you're like “Uhhh...yeah man...I'm going to go get some yams.”

Then you realized this was the year your drunken uncle didn't make the yams he was supposed to because he bought some Jack Daniels to zone everyone out while watching the lions lose.

Oh and heaven forbid your family went economically efficient and only serve cutlets this year instead of a actual turkey

I flew seven hours for some crackers on top of a turkey slice?

Oh and now we have to watch all the way until Christmas for those oh so funny thanksgiving viral videos now of the house being burned down.

Yeah, thanks for filming this jackass your sister is burning.

Don’t forget Friday too. Black Friday! Why is it called Black Friday?  Shouldn't it be Green Friday?  I mean these shops will be making tons.

Oh and don’t forget those little devil kids.  Giving you that Christmas list a month before! And those damn radio stations already playing twelve days of Christmas…while it's OVER twelve days away

Looking back you sir do have a lot to be thankful for.

I mean it could be worse you could have daily coverage over a wedding happening in Britain even if it's ALLLLLL the way until April.

And for that happy thanksgiving my fellow nerds

Don’t forget your fellow pilgrims. They died for you or from pushing their good Indian friends off their land.

YAY!

The Most useless dog ever

Hello fellow Nerds,

Today I was heading for prison, I mean school, and there was a nice puppyish (yeah I just said that) boxer at my apartment stairs near my car.

I was contemplating in my head either A.) I'm going to make some moolah in the justice system after I sue these owners or B.) He will be gentle and let me pet him.

So I walk cautiously toward him contemplating how I'm going to clean the foam from my mouth after I catch rabies and what does the dog do?!  He runs away whining!

This has to be the most useless dog of all frickin time.

Oh my gosh, you either A.) Bite B.) Sniff or C.) Let me pet you, you adorable thing you.

But no, you run away and harm my self esteem.  I felt like I could break a damn mirror if I looked at it.

I thought I was slowing speed stick down and making red zone turn blue.

Thanks a lot Boxer dog. I cried all through my day and sat at home eating cookie dough and watching Sarah Palin's new answer to stopping her kids from getting pregnant:  A baby pen at to stop those mischievous boys from going upstairs to harm Willow.

So goodnight my fellow Nerdsters and remember to follow the only guy who whines more than the boxer I mentioned.

So audience tell me your best dog encounter moments.

Free rub downs down at the airport? What’s the problem?

Hello fellow nerds, incase you haven’t heard, two—I repeat TWO—people have sued over unconstitutional checks at airports.

What’s the big deal people? It's like a massage except around your junk in front of a couple hundred people. Basically imagine an Adam Lambert concert.

Now I can see why some people would get upset. I mean, not everyone is happy with there body and probably feel insecure about it. Not me, though, I bench about two whales on a bad day.

As my...warm up.

(I look forward to your comments calling me a liar) Anyway, sure it's embarrassing, but it's no worse than what happened to this dude.

This guy had to eat his own beard!

Now that sucks really bad.

Strangely enough, though, I think he would have eaten that beard anyway if he was alone.

To the point now, I say if you want them to stop you make as many Uranus jokes as possible to reverse the uncomfortablity. (Is that even a word?)

And if that doesn't work

Well, your reading a blog by a guy named SirNerdWerd so did you honestly expect a plan B?

How do you all feel about the new safety precautions of feeling you up? *cough*

And remember to subscribe to the only Nerd who enjoys free junk massages!

Spread 'um Nerdsters!

Being a senior sucks major hedgehogs.

Greetings fellow nerds! As I just said I am a senior and let me expel a rumor to you young grasshoppers. It is NOT awesome. It sucks. It's boring.  You feel like a sophomore except you have a beard now.

I think I'd rather be a SENIOR citizen than a high school senior. For one, I'd fulfill my fantasy of being able to hang out with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson as part of MY bucket list. *Ponders this for a moment.*

Anyway, I want to end this lame senior year crap right now.

I propose a new idea.  At senior graduation, or whatever time of choosing, I say we gather up the family and take bets. Let's squeeze out as much money as we can from these parasites. They were hitting our wallets for ages and now they’re going to line ours this time. RIGHT PARENTS!?

After your son and or daughter or Lady GaGa graduates from high school take bets within the family on what your child will do after High school.

What’s going to be there first drug of choice? How many years will it take for them to drop out of College?

At what age will they first invest into Rogaine?

What STD will they likely catch first?

And, of course, how long until they move back in?

And when your senior moans and complains you simply tell them, “HEY BUCKAROO, YOU GO OUT AND MAKE YOUR OWN SENIORS AND DO THE SAME.”

Goodnight my little nerdsters and remember to subscribe to the only senior hating senior and traitor to his class.

Epic Tall 14 year-old

Greetings nerds, this is my first blog which, of course, every blogger says at one time or another. Well here is mine.

Now, the other day I opened up my Yahoo Messenger and of course you get their stupid "News" page Powered by Yahoo.  Emphasis on “News” because it's so far from actual News, it's just trivial crap. 

For example:

A few days ago I saw that there was a 7” tall 14-year-old from India named Satnam Singh Bhamara (Try saying that three times fast.) The first time I saw this guy I was like “Whoa, imagine that towns 7/11 and walking in to see that cashier”.

(Internet honor code: Say something really racist to get noticed. Checkmark)

Back to what I was going on about that was OH so important. This kid is being looked at by NBA scouts in India and apparently there drooling over him like wolves. Not that that's creepy at all or anything, having middle aged men stare while you sweat and play with balls, drooling.

I found it funny how they compared him to the next Yao Ming. 

I thought they were trying to praise him! But degrading him already, he's only fourteen, sheesh.

That's like saying “Hey. You’re good! You’re going to be the next Clay Aiken, good job!”

I'd probably cry if someone told me that.

Nonetheless, I thought we got over this absolute massive people playing basketball. I mean, of course, you have to be tall and muscular playing basketball, but these 7 foot 5 guys aren't cutting it.

Their slow, their knees give out easy and there not very nimble. Oh look, I'm criticizing a fourteen year old. I'm well on my way to being a soulless internet celebrity. (Check mark)

That's all that perked my interest on this day good day, nerdsters and remember to subscribe.